I admit, I've been having a tough time transitioning and adjusting to living here in Denver.
Not because of the city. Not because of the people. But because I'M SCARED. Homesickness has been overwhelming the past few days. It's not that I particularly miss anything or anyone, but I miss the familiarity of it all. Knowing my place, my schedule, and what is expected of me. Of "knowing" what tomorrow holds.
So many times the past few days I have wanted to load my car up and head for home. To give up after just three weeks. And to what aim? Living with my parents again? Being stuck in a job with no motivation to do my work? I know that if I hadn't left when I did, I probably would never have left. I would becme a miserable old lady with too many regrets to count. I would despise myself for never stepping out in faith and seeing what my life could become outside the confines of my small, safe little world.
In self-examination, I have realized that I have never worked hard for anything before. Never gave something my all - my blood, sweat and tears. I want to PERSEVERE, to FOLLOW THROUGH and to DEPEND ON GOD.
The Lord has graciously provided me a great job with some really interesting and challenging people. But yet --- here it comes --- I'M SCARED. Afraid that I won't be good enough, that I'll let myself and others down, that I'll be fired, or that I'll really mess something up.
But then sermons come along, like the one Pastor Barry from Calvary Temple preached last Sunday, that remind me of who I am IN CHRIST, that:
I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH.
And so I will stay in CO until the Lord moves me. He led me here, He has great things to teach me through all of this. Someday, I have no doubt, I will look back and say "there was a reason for all of the struggle, the heartache, and the homesickness."
Through Him, I will persevere!